


why did you steal my cotton candy heart?

by hedgehogtongues



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Slurs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-01
Updated: 2016-05-01
Packaged: 2018-06-05 15:16:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6710065
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hedgehogtongues/pseuds/hedgehogtongues
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <em>He pulls out a fake bouquet of flowers from behind his back, three of them. Pink, blue and yellow. Sunflowers, they seemed to be, and Phil’s beam practically is one. He passes them to Dan, who is gushing completely, cheeks stained pink.</em>
</p><p> </p><p>  <em>‘Phil, how did you even get these?’</em></p><p>  <em>Phil’s smile turns cocky, ‘My grandma was psychic, I think, so I’m like all magic and stuff. Hence the fact I’m a magician.’</em></p><p> </p><p>or the one where dan's a moody carnival worker and phil's a popular magician.</p>
            </blockquote>





	why did you steal my cotton candy heart?

**Author's Note:**

> hey! here's a fic. hope you like it.
> 
> title from melanie martinez' "carousel".

It always looks so cotton candy and bright lights at dusk, but during the day time, the carnival is just a play tool for parents who’d rather have 500 friends on Facebook than a loving relationship with their kid. Dan’s probably over-reacting here, but who he is if he isn’t to make theatrics out of absolutely nothing of substance. It’s a simple pleasure of his, really.

Granted, at a carnival it’s not in his best to be looking like an ignorant teenager on his phone all the time, leaning comfortably on a large wall of plush toys to give the nearest idiot to attempt it, but damn does he pull it off. Plus, Benjamin’s all about screaming through the microphone for someone to come up and try, Dan doesn’t have to lift a finger.

Looking up from his phone, there’s a little boy with bright blonde hair giving the biggest grin he can to Benjamin, who’s handing him little white ping pong balls.

‘Alright, see these?’ The boy nods, ‘Okay, put the balls in the mouth of the clown and try and get the highest score you can!’

Dan’s laughing in the background, sending Benjamin to have permanent red ears as the kid and his parents are focused more on the clown than the absolute best innuendo Dan’s ever experienced in his life.

‘Shut up, Dan, what better explanation can you have?’ Benjamin asks, red frustration seeping from the crevices of his eyes and putting his hands on his hips.

‘I don’t know, man,’ Dan’s still a little breathless, ‘But damn, Ben, amazing. I am reeling. It’s cured world hunger. And the kid- oh my god- the kid, all wide-eyed and interested!’

Ben’s pressed his lips into a straight line, ‘I hate you, Dan.’

‘Nah, nah, you can’t, you told a kid how to suck a nut- I just- Ben, amazing, Amazing Ben. That can be your name.’ Dan purses his lips, ‘Yeah. I like it.’

Ben pauses, ‘No, no way. That’s the magician’s name- The new one, he got hired a while ago. I can’t have that name, I’m not a magician and the all-heavy boss man will get pissed.’

‘Who? There’s a new magician?’ Dan furrows his brow, ‘What happened to Poppy the Peculiar? She was too cool. Aw, I miss her now. She did such nice hat tricks.’

‘Pops stole someone’s gold watch in a show.’ Benjamin sighs, ‘Now you see it, now you don’t.’

Dan stares at the ground with a pout, ‘Damn. Hey, do you think she had something to do with my old phone case getting stolen?’

‘Who knows, man.’

Dan scrunches up his face and looks back at this phone, browsing Twitter, with Benjamin’s shoulder touching his, an easy gesture with little to no sentiment. They’ve been friends for a few years, it’s only expected with such a long friendship you begin to feel comfortable with each other.

‘Mr, I’ve done it all! Do I win the big SpongeBob?’ The boy says, bouncing up and down on tiny feet. Dan wishes he could be that excited about everything as well, life’s not as fun when every little thing is never the best thing.

Benjamin gives one of seems-too-wide-to-be-genuine grins and skips over, ‘I don’t know little buddy, guess we gotta see first!’

Watching the boy with bright eyes stare at Benjamin in amazement makes Dan’s cold heart feel a little warmer, the swirling fires rush through the veins under his skin, pinpricks of something most exquisite send strangely calming shocks down Dan’s spine. He puts his phone away and stands beside Benjamin to look at the score. 70. Pretty shit, if Dan’s to be honest.

‘Dude, nice score.’ Dan says anyway, placing a large grin on his face and give the kid a happy look.

‘Yeah!’ The boy exclaims, bubbly and sweet like a milkshake.

Benjamin puts on a fake pout, ‘But not enough for Spongebob, I’m sorry little guy, but you can get anything from the bottom shelf.’

‘I’d choose the bubble blower personally, it’s pretty cool,’ Dan says smoothly, then points to Ben, ‘but he won’t let me get one. So rude.’

‘Bubble blower! Bubble blower!’ The boy chants earnestly, giving Dan the sunniest smile he’s ever encountered. An untamed innocence and excitement that makes Dan frown at his own bitterness, but smile at how much the boy is jumping up and down and clapping.

Benjamin gives him the toy with a warm smile, ‘Blow loads… of bubbles. Have fun, dude.’

The kid and his parents walk around seemingly pleased, admittedly more well behaved than some kids who only get the bottom shelf. All Dan’s charm, he assumes. Benjamin must be weary.

‘Wow, you’re a kid whisperer.’

Dan smirks, ‘Aren’t I just?’

  


Sitting on his phone, Dan momentarily thinks why a simple carnival worker is allowed to sit in the employee’s room, mainly packed with the circus acts and actors from the Halloween rides. From the corner of his eye is a man with a plastic axe sticking out of his head pouring sugar into his coffee, humming Fetty Wap and wiggling his hips. He’s seen stranger.

The door opens to a complete and utterly unknown character Dan’s never met, and concludes it must be the newest employee that Benjamin told him about. The magician, it seems. With hair just like his and big blue eyes, he’s quite the catch, if not better. A velvet cape drapes across his body, a top hat askew on his head, the magician moves in quietly and sits in the arm chair by the window, twiddling his thumbs.

Dan walks over to him, ‘You’re new, right?’

The magician juts at the noise, before those radioactive blues land on him with a sheepish stare, ‘Yeah, I’m Phil. A magician, if you couldn’t tell already.’

‘The perfect stereotype, I’m very impressed,’ Dan says, and pulls a chair over to sit with him, ‘I’m Dan. Are you enjoying being here so far? Let’s be real, it’s pretty shit.’

‘Ah, it’s not all bad, I’ve worked worse. The atmosphere here isn’t as tangible as other carnivals I’ve been to though. Uh, sorry.’ Phil chuckles.

‘Nah, it’s cool. I offended this place first.’ Dan looks Phil up and down, the slender curve and bend of his legs, put in flattering skinny jeans, a broad chest hidden underneath layers of a lazy stereotype and messy black hair tufts poke out from under his hat. Phil’s quite attractive. Dan wants to know him better.

‘Do you want me to give you a tour tomorrow? I’ve been here for a while, I’m the optimal tour guide.’

‘Please, that’d be fantastic.’ Phil gives a smile, bright and beaming, reminiscent of a happy little boy with bubbles abound.

It’s the first time in a while Dan’s returned a smile, even longer since it’s been so breathtakingly gentle and genuine.

  


Dan’s really excited. Phil’s a more than wonderful replacement to Poppy the Robby (Benjamin’s nickname, don’t blame him) and has been extremely kind and caring ever since walking through that bland, Employee’s Only marked door. The magic most certainly tingling among the fingerprints Phil left on certain, safe parts of his body.

Benjamin smirks, ‘Going on a date, are we?’

‘Oh, shut it. If Jackass the Boss-Man asks for me, say something like I’m, erm, out somewhere. I found a kid and… they want me… to find their parents. Yeah, go with that, because I’m a nice guy, you know? I save children from crowds.’

‘Dude, your medal from the Queen is here. It’s for having the biggest ego in England.’ Benjamin rolls his eyes, ‘Don’t worry, I got you covered.’

‘Thanks.’ Dan grins at him, and finds the ever the most perfectly-timed Phil walking up to the stall with a calm grin. His eyes look perfectly muddled in such nice sunlight, it’s almost criminal, but he’s no Poppy.

He eyes the clowns and taps them on the head, ‘These all the men you toured around here?’

‘You mean tour-tured, right? Dan has the worst sense of direction out of everyone here. I think I’ve gotten too many texts asking where our stall is to count.’ Benjamin purses his lips and scrolls through his phone, ‘I think it’s in the 100’s though. Just saying.’

Dan glares but the jumps the counter and gives a breathless pant, having little to no athletic ability, ‘Let’s go, Phil.’

Phil looks at the world as if it’s the first time he’s seen it. Every ride, his eyes light up and his mouth sits, opened comfortably wide as a rollercoaster cart whips past them, screams coming shortly after. The tour is slowly coming to a close, them being away for three hours, finding the smallest details at the carnival the most interesting.

‘See that stain there?’ Dan had said, pointing at a dark spot in the cement.

Phil nodded.

‘I challenged Ben to drink an entire bottle of hot cheese. Turns out it was strong enough to stain, I mean who knew?’

Dan didn’t want to leave, he liked his arm comfortably slotted against Phil’s as they strolled in peace, stopping to look at certain things Phil requested to see. Particularly the party games. Phil didn’t have much of a want to play them, but did enjoy attempting to count all of the presents set up. Dan’s sure they wasted just an hour doing that tedious chore.

With Dan’s booth within sight, Phil stops and gives him an earnest look, ‘We should go on at least one ride.’

Dan shrugs, ‘I don’t mind, the less work I do the better.’

Phil’s grin is the spectacular feeling of watching dawn creep over the horizon from your window, the distaste of not sleeping dispelled from your tongue as the birds fly ahead and attempt to wake the population up. It is mornings with your favourite bowl of cereal and the cement fact that the day will be beautiful. He’s the brightest boy Dan’s ever met, a magician with the ability to radiate sunlight from his teeth and mix the nicest colours in his eyes. He’s giddy on the crush of a lifetime, his possible one true love, standing perfectly still and grand in front of him.

‘Let’s go on the carousel.’ Phil says, ‘I’ve never been on before.’

‘Really? But you’re a magician, you go to carnivals all the time!’ Dan is baffled.

Phil laughs, ‘Yeah, but I never have anyone to go on with, you don’t go on a carousel without someone else joining you. It’d be weird.’

‘Can’t beat that logic.’ Dan says, before he pays for their ticket and they settle themselves nicely parallel one another, on the prettiest horses they could find. Their paints chipping a little, hooves blunt and tail cracked, but with a baby blue hide and flowing purple hair. Phil laughs at Dan’s uncomfortableness with the compatibility of the carousel and his height.

‘Oh, don’t so offensive, I’m not the one who’s all about riding on something for children.’ Dan replies.

Phil chuckles, ‘It’s not!’

‘Is so!’

‘Is not!’

Dan pokes his tongue out and revels in the deep laugh Phil lets out.

‘Okay, fine, but I gotta get a childhood somehow.’ He replies, hands gripping the pole being stuffed through the horse’s head.

Dan ignores the comment, probably something said jokingly, because Phil just seems fine. But, being a travelling magician and all, it could hold some truth to it. He shakes the thoughts from his head, he’s not an invasive person and he shouldn’t accuse people of such things, because Phil’s a perfectly fine young adult with little to no problems visible. It’s obvious.

Settling his head on the pole, Dan sighs. Must his thoughts be plagued by mindless theatrics? There is no need for such drama.

‘Dan, are you alright?’ Phil asks, worried, ‘Do you wanna get off? I mean, we haven’t even started but the thought of it could make you a little sick, I suppose.’

‘Nah.’

‘Dan-‘

‘I’m just waiting for the ride to start, you know?’ Dan says in the nicest, softest voice he can. Personally, he thinks he succeeded because Phil gives a small smile.

‘Yeah, me too, it’s a bit long right?’

Dan nods.

The gates to the carousel are closed a couple of minutes later, Dan and Phil readily attached to their interesting-looking horses and there’s only a few other people on it, just some kids really. Dan would feel awkward, but at the sheer smile Phil’s giving him is enough for Dan to do whatever the fuck Phil wanted him to do. It’s strange, the very least way it is, a stranger with glued on gems of desire and need. Twirled into wrapping paper of one pale man with wondrous blue eyes and tufts of ebony locks. Dan smiles to himself. Stupid theatrics.

The carousel starts, spinning more of a desperate crawl along the ground, slowly picking up speed every second Phil spends grinning widely. Dan’s sight of the world around blurs and contort into sunken down watercolours and melted crayons, creating a kaleidoscope of bright carnival festivities. All Dan can see clearly, simply, is a Phil Lester. A bright little boy in every incarnation, tightly holding on to the pole and grin wider than the sun’s position engulfing the Earth in light.

If the sun were to ever die out, Phil Lester could replace it.

‘This is breathtaking!’ Phil says over the mechanical whir beneath them, ‘I’m so glad we did this. Thank you so much, Dan.’

The world is petty silence in the presence of the sharing of heart-warming statements and dangerous teetering over platonic friends. Intimacy covered by Dan’s strangling need to be completely no homo buddies. What he is, a boy with a crush on another boy with an ambiguous sexuality, a dumbed down concept left to movie plots and television scripts, but politely set in a carousel of claustrophobic opinions.

He’s left staring, mouth open, before mumbling, ‘I’m glad we did this too.’

Dan looks away when Phil’s grin is wider and eyes brighter, any longer he would have been a goner. The rest of the carousel is purposefully a quiet affair, Dan trying his best not to look up to see how Phil’s hair would curl in the wind, how his eyes would be scrunched in joy and smile spectacularly sunny.

They both tip-toe off and settle off to the side, near Dan’s booth and their communion is being marked by Phil reaching behind his back.

‘What on Earth are you doing?’ Dan asks, confused.

Phil cocks an eyebrow, ‘This.’

He pulls out a fake bouquet of flowers from behind his back, three of them. Pink, blue and yellow. Sunflowers, they seemed to be, and Phil’s beam practically is one. He passes them to Dan, who is gushing completely, cheeks stained pink.

‘Phil, how did you even get these?’

Phil’s smile turns cocky, ‘My grandma was psychic, I think, so I’m like all magic and stuff. Hence the fact I’m a magician.’

‘You’re a good one.’ Dan says, giving them a false sniff and sighs, ‘Smells like teen spirit.’

‘Doesn’t it just?’

  


Dan’s heart is still swooning from the past few weeks, Phil and his absolutely stunningly perfect advances towards Dan’s pure and utter fascination. It seems all Dan can think about is those eyes and all of their radioactive mix of pride and pleasure, the grin that always meets his cheeks and how nicely Dan’s hand would fit in Phil’s. A pianist’s fingers slipping into the slender sort of Phil’s, something Dan spends multiple hours of time thinking about. He’s stuck on Phil’s wit and charm, absolutely fuck that heart-stealing magician. Maybe he’ll pull that out of his hat sometime.

Dan walks into the employee’s office, thinking of Phil, sits on his favourite chair, thinking of Phil, and may he think of the devil, he shall appear.

‘Dan! Dan, guess what!’ Phil runs in and sits right next to him, hands shaking from pure excitement, it happens to be, ‘It’s a really awesome what, trust me!’

Dan quirks a brow and smirks, ‘I’ll be the judge of that.’

‘Okay, like, you know Stefanie, right? And she’s got like blue hair and really, really nice eyes?’ Phil says and Dan nods, ‘Yeah, right, so she’s asked me out. And it’s very good, right, because she’s really nice and stuff! Isn’t that cool?’

Dan’s heart has appeared from Phil’s cape of tricks bloodied and bruised, broken, stomped all over, thrown to Hell and back, completely destroyed. How could Phil do this? How could he just play Dan like this, like he’s just some _toy_? Some stupid fool, stick him up in your dollhouse, pose him how you please, Dan Howell won’t retaliate, he’ll just enjoy you’re playing with him out of all of the dolls you have at your fingertips.

‘Yeah, super cool.’ Dan chokes out, but covers it up with a straight cough at the drop of Phil’s face.

‘I mean, we can still hang out loads. A lot, if you please. And Steph’s cool, you’ll love her!’

 _*No, it doesn’t work like that. There’s gonna be someone else to be on a carousel and they’re going to listen and acknowledge you when you say how much you like them. I’m not going to be your first option anymore and I’ll miss you so fucking much. I’m not going to snap my fingers and have you in front of me, but you… You can do that whenever._ Dan thinks, desperately wanting to scream out all of it, right in front of all of his co-workers.

But he digresses, and says, ‘Yeah, I know, Phil. Don’t let it get to your head.’

‘Nah, it’d never.’ Phil says, ‘Hey, maybe you can date someone too! And we can go on like double dates and stuff!’

Dan nods and swallows all of his guilt, his pain, the truth of how Dan’s never going to be Phil’s perfect fit.

 _Who’s his perfect fit if it isn’t Phi_ l?

  


There’s something wrong with Phil. It’s becoming almost obvious, not just to Dan, who’s beginning to know Phil like the back of his hand, even Benjamin wondered whether something happened to Phil. The worst part of it all is that Phil refuses to talk about it, claiming nothing’s wrong and changes the subject whenever someone hints at it. It’s annoying Dan, because he hasn’t seen that bright boy’s grin for almost two weeks now and he has a sneaking suspicion it’s Stefanie’s fault. But he doesn’t want to jump to conclusions, especially with something as stupid as that.

Dan manages to coax Phil to sit in a secluded lounge that no one really uses. Dan’s never seen the dislike of it, it’s not all bad just because it doesn’t have a fridge.

Phil’s hip is pressed against Dan’s, his hand brushing against his leg and tedious fingertips are tracing smiley faces into the dusty leather of the lounge. Head down, pout present and Phil’s figure is slouching. Dan’s never seen such a difference in character.

‘Phil, are you okay?’ Dan asks tentatively.

‘I’m fine.’ Phil replies, firm, ‘Why does everyone keep asking that? I’m perfectly fine.’

‘Because you aren’t acting yourself. You’re just… sad. It’s making me sad.’ Dan replies, frowning, but Phil doesn’t look up from his lap like a sulking, immature child.

‘I’ve just been practicing new tricks, is all. It’s been hard work.’

Dan doesn’t believe him for a minute, not for a literal second, it was a lie ever since it left his mouth and it’s been brushed away like the dust on the coffee table from where their feet have been placed. Phil told him a while ago that his routine is perfection, that there is no tweaking needed, and he’s sure to be getting paid more. Maybe he’s stressed about money, or something, and he knows Dan won’t be able to help since he’s just a poor teenager. Dan sighs to himself quietly and looks elsewhere as they sit uncomfortable in a deep silence.

There’s a rustle from beside him, and Phil sitting forward, head down.

‘If I tell you something, can you promise not to tell anyone?’ Phil whispers, a question adjusted to be heard only by the dust floating around the angelic lips of Phil Lester.

Dan nods, ‘Always.’

‘I…’ Phil starts, but then sighs and slumps in his seat, ‘I don’t like being a magician Dan. I didn’t choose it, my parents did. They wanted an extra income, and whoring me off to a circus was the way to get it, I guess. Bearded ladies and strongmen were my only friends up until I was 15, and then I got sent off as a solo act working for carnivals all over the country. It should be fun, and it was, for a while. I think the cracking point was a few weeks ago.’

Dan puts an arm around him, as Phil sets his hands over his eyes, ‘I told them I wanted to be happy. I-I just wanted happiness, and a life, outside of their overbearing parenting. I want to be an English teacher and I want to go to University. I-I thought that all parents wanted a successful teacher as a child… And… Fuck.’

He lets out a sob, ‘How am I meant to be happy when the entire world is against me? I-I told Stef and she just laughed- fucking laughed! Laughed r-right in my face, said my parents were right and I-I’m useless without my talent and nobody wants a boring teacher but I w-want a boring t-teacher! I don’t want to be w-weird, a talent, I want my normalness back. I’d g-give anything not to be some s-shitty child prodigy.’

Phil is sobbing into the black sweater he’s wearing, setting it around his face as he lets out breathy weeps and incoherent mumbles.

‘You should do what makes you happy, Phil, and you aren’t happy with what you’re doing.’ Dan says, rubbing his back as the chimes of his bawling echoes around the room and tries to settle Phil into a position to look into Dan’s eyes. Reminiscent of a bright blue boy, with bubbles abound, but this one’s the saddest blue colour, blubbering abound, definitely not a bright boy. A tired man, trapped by superficial dreams and opinions, painted to be as weird and strange as he could be, but realizing strange and weird doesn’t exist in the jobs it’s supposed to be.

‘But if I’m happy, who else would be happy?’ Phil whimpers.

Dan smiles at him, holding his shoulder, ‘I will. I’ll be happy that you’re happy.’

It’s a wavering emotions moments, before Phil’s got his entire body on top of Dan and his tongue is licking into his mouth, nipping at his bottom lip and letting out quiet pants as his hands travel across Dan’s shoulder blades.

Dan won’t say no. The salty tears mingling with their breathy kiss, the reminder that Phil isn’t happy with his situation but happy enough with Dan, his special exception. Happiness is important.

Phil’s happiness is important. His happiness nibbling at the connection of his jaw to his neck, it licking over the bruises he’s made and Phil’s happiness pushing him against the couch’s armrest as he unbuttons Dan’s shirt with forceful fingers.

‘I hope you’ve realized how much I wanted your body in my hands, my fingertips pushing bruises into your shoulders, how well my palm would fit between your shoulder blades and how perfectly nice your collarbones are to bite.’ Phil demonstrates it, nibbling at the skin at his neck and leaving a perfect purple mark smack bang in the middle of it. Dan would be more worried if he weren’t so overwhelmed with need and want and how beautiful and lovely Phil Lester is. How tear stained cheeks can turn so pink and sad blue eyes can turn into dilated pupils in an ocean of toxicity. Lust overwhelmed sadness- Not happiness.

Phil’s lust taking Dan’s arm to lead it to the small of his back, dipping into how it perfectly bends, the lust is pulling off his top and the lust is letting gentle, dominating fingers leave tentative prints to track across his abdomen.

‘This is my happiness.’ Phil whispers and leads in for a tranquil peck, ‘You make me happier than any dream I’ve ever had.’

Dan grins at him, ‘That’s my magic trick.’

Phil takes Dan’s face in both hands and deeply kisses him, a serene intimacy among dust bunnies and the echoing voices from other employee’s rooms. If only they could hear ever present steps as they did their own heartbeats, their intimacy would be put with all good things- in their memories.

The door is opened slowly, and the light switched on, ‘Why haven’t you got the light on- What the hell, Phil?’

Stefanie. Standing at an intimidating five foot four, with long blue hair and a band t-shirt, completely shocked. They had instantly untangled themselves, but Dan was shirtless and Phil was sporting a particularly pink blush.

Dan begins to explain, he can talk himself out of anything, but Phil, in any situation, is a runner, he gets up and he gets out. Which was exactly what happened. Even pushing himself past Stefanie’s arms covering the door, leaving her to scream down the corridor, ‘You dirty bitch! Asshole! You deserve your shitty parents!’

She glares at Dan, ‘Don’t ever contact us again, you egotistical dickhead. Leave things alone.’

‘Then why the fuck did he want me if he loved you so fucking much? Don’t you understand you’ve made him sadder than he’s ever been? You are disgusting.’ Dan retorts, however the fabric of his shirt muffle the true venom in his words. He too runs out, leaving Stefanie with a crumpling expression.

There are tears in Dan’s eyes, perfectly residing in the corners as he runs from the employee’s room and returns to his own booth, trying to look inconspicuous enough as Benjamin gives him a look, then another more analytical one.

‘What happened Dan?’ He asks, worried.

‘Everything’s fucked, Ben, it’s all gone.’ Dan chokes out and falls into Ben’s arms.

Phil can stick to shit magic tricks. Dan saw his heart, and now it’s just gone.

  


Dan Howell, even days after the accident, still loves one Phil Lester who goes on carousels and thinks it’s the best thing ever. Who gets interested by small details than the obvious matter at hand. He’s got a trick up his sleeve at any point in time and his favourite one to do with Dan is steal his heart and not give it back.

He’s been so upset he doesn’t even go to the employee’s only room and use the free Wi-Fi. Dan might see Phil there, and that would mean he’d have to look at his absolutely dreadful outfit, but it perfectly fits his eyes and hair. As all things do, because Phil Lester is too pretty and that makes Dan Howell too sad.

So he’s been spending his days listening to Taylor Swift and complaining to Benjamin.

One night, Benjamin advises that Dan just leaves. Tours the park, however he pleases, and that he’ll manage the booth and lie for him if the boss comes around. Dan agrees begrudgingly.

Somehow, he finds himself by the carousel, thinking about better times with somebody he loved. Correction, Dan still loves Phil. Even with all of the memory-based misery surrounding his character. It’s a split-second thought, but he buys a ticket for the carousel and hopes the spinning will cause some sort of strange wheel of memories, like something in a movie, and he’s never really nursed a broken heart before so he’s not particularly sure what to do.

Dan sits on the horse with the purple hair and looks at the one Phil sat on last time.

_Thank you so much, Dan._

‘Hi.’ A voice says, and it’s too perfectly northern and deep for it to be anyone else. Dan doesn’t respond for he is bitter. Nasty, cold. All of them at once.

Phil sits on the horse, looking tiny for his size, hair messy and face ridiculously pale, ‘I’m sorry. You’re the only thing that makes me happy and I don’t want… I don’t want to do something wrong. I did though. I’m sorry.’

Dan stays silent, but looks at him.

‘I was sitting in my room and I was thinking about why I liked this carousel so much. It wasn’t even that good, really. I told myself it was the purple the horse’s mane was, because it’s a nice lilac colour. Or how strange it made the world look. But I knew that it was just because I liked looking at you, and your dimple, the honey suckle of your eyes, the way the wind would make the hair fall into your face and you’d shoo it as if it did something horrible, I’m not sure or like, something bad at least.’ Phil laughs to himself, something hollow and bitter, ‘The carousel was only fun when you’re on it, and I tried to go on it yesterday to cheer myself up, but it didn’t work. And now you’re here and I’m- I’m happy. I’m so damn happy. I don’t really- don’t really look it, but this is the happiest I’ve felt these past few days.’

Dan gives a weak smile, ‘You just have really nice eyes.’

Phil laughs, ‘Thank you. Your eyes are nicer.’

‘No, they really aren’t.’ Dan replies with a soft smile. The carousel begins to spin, and Phil looks in front of him, chest rising slowly, quietly.

Dan watches him, with the tiniest smile of pure admiration, before looking at his whimsical scenery and the dreamy reality of a carnival in the heart of London. They both watch the world stay still as they keep swirling, flying, twirling. The world is dormant as they feel electric.

It is happiness. They are happy.  

**Author's Note:**

> so i originally wasn't actually going to post this, but i promised in my last fic that i'd post a fic a week after that one but I Lied. anyway, the only reason i am posting this is because i'm leaving the phandom for good and i'm not going to write phanfiction any more. i feel almost sad, because dan and phil were my muse for writing for over a year but now they just aren't and i don't know what to write about any more. anyway, hope you like the fics i have written and posted! 
> 
> see you!


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